I am turning into one of them...
Help me. I think I'm starting to want children.
First I had this sudden, light bulb moment where I thought "Unless Chris and Sue give in, they are so staying on the East Coast." Which produced the thought "If I move back to Portland and eventually get a house, I'll probably stay on the West(best) coast."
Which equaled "MY KIDS AND CHRIS' KIDS WILL HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER!"
So much for my mental image of our kids running wild at each other's houses, raucously raiding the other's fridge for the differences. So much for the thought that whenever I go insane dealing with a teenager I can send them to their cool uncle's, or that our kids would be constantly in touch with their cousins. This has not been a happy realization.
As my Google-ho-friend would say, "what are you going to do about it?" And how does this lead to wanting children?
Well, I've been thinking about the East coast a lot. It helps that J still really likes New Hampshire, and that Portsmouth is an hour away from Boston. I really, really liked Alexandria, D.C. Add to this random chain of thought a DC blogger w/ child that I found through one of the food blogs that I read, and I became hooked on reading what it was like to be a mother. And then, because I'm OCD, I went back through the archives and followed the entire story, since at some point she had to have the "WANT BABY" moment. Which goes back to my basic question about everything: "WHEN DO YOU KNOW???"
I've never gotten an answer, but over the course of finding her blog, reading it, and finally getting through it all, I started finding the pictures of her kid cute. Really, really cute. Now what, in the world, am I going to do about that???
Biological clocks
Weren't you thinking about Atlanta for a bit???
As for me, I wouldn't say that the clock is ticking, it's more that I'm starting to worry about whether I'll be able to have kids when I'm finally "ready" for them. I definitely LOVE my life right now - it's as selfish as it could possibly get. I travel, eat, and sleep where and when I want. I barely get to work on time most days. I don't make the most fiscally responsible decisions. And having a kid would definitely change that in a not-so-fun way.
On the other hand, what really got me thinking about this was being told two years ago that I might have fertility problems because of the hyperthyroidism and the PCOS (poly-cystic ovaries). Back then, I thought "well, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be", "wow, I'm genetically unviable, cool!", and "I didn't really want kids anyways". And a small, small part of me started feeling kinda sad that something I'd always assumed would happen...wouldn't.
So there's that complication. I may or may not (the drs haven't come to an agreement on it) be able to have kids. And honestly, that's probably what started the whole thing in the first place. I haven't decided if I'm just being a spoiled brat being threatened w/ nothing for Xmas when I say that the idea of never, ever being able to have my own baby makes me want to do whatever it takes to get back on the good list, including having one RIGHT NOW if that's what it takes. Do I want kids right now? HELL NO! Ideally, in my 5-year-plan, they're not even in there. But then I'll be 30, and w/ every year after 30 comes another step closer to Down Syndrome and infertility and yes I know 50-year-olds are having babies but is that healthy for everyone involved??? *panic attack ensues, slap myself in the face, calms down*
So, back to your comment: What's the biological clock? It's the countdown to an unknown point in time where the choice to throw down some kids from your own womb gets taken away from you, suddenly defaulting to zero. I don't know if I can explain it any better than that, but it's a disconcerting feeling that I doubt Most Men could understand until they're 70 or so and their little guys don't even move when you shine a light on them. Some people know they want kids, some people don't. Biological vs. adoption. Fertility treatments or fate. It's totally fine to be in either camp, or abstain from the entire thing. Though certainly better if both you and your partner are of the same mind. I don't know if Nat will start at the same time as me - my freakazoid body that hates itself (my antibodies do, I mean) kinda threw this upon me unwillingly. She may not ever start. It's way more empowering to think you're above the whole clock thing, than to think "when is my body going to line up w/ societal expectations? WHENNNNNN?????"
The smarter, more rational thing to to is have kids when you are financially and emotionally stable. That might take me years. And heck, it's not like I've grown up or even gotten the relationship thing figured out! Are we going to get married? Sometimes I want to strangle him! I've always heard that happened when you were married - what does that mean if it's happening now??? Should we get married? Should we break up? Oh god he's perfect we can't break up! And on, and on, and ONWARD WE GO.
All I know is that I've got some decisions to make, so I'm mulling it over. Like Karina said, I think it's better to have thought this all through, than to end up either barren or pregnant first.
Atlanta
Regarding Atlanta, right now Nat and I view it as a temporary stop between Boston and PDX. Likely only a couple years. The current "Atlanta Option" would involve Nat getting a job there upon graduating pharmacy school (summer 2008). I would move with her of course, and finish whatever is left of my thesis project (if I'm not done by then). When I finished my thesis project, I would take off a few months, then get a job in the consulting or VC world.
After two to three years in Atlanta, where we would not only be able to save money like nobody's business because the cost of living is so low (!!!!), but also be able to buy a gigantic house for super cheap, I will be 30-ish and we may be ready for some non-furry babies. (We call our kittens our furry babies.) About that time we would probably just head back to PDX, and I will be able to say that I lived in both New England, the Northwest AND the south.
No ticking yet
I think I'm at the point where it's too depressing to think of being old and not having my kids all grown up and having their own families. It seems so empty to think of a future without kids. But then, I try to picture the more immediate 20 years or so, and I can't. All I can think of is a squalling baby, never sleeping at night, diapers, and so on for years until your whole life revolves around these little creatures.
I don't even feel like I've had my own life yet, which I know will get better once I have a job, money and a house. I sort of feel like I'm in limbo right now, and the selfish part of me wants to be able to do whatever I want, and kids don't fit into that. Of course, the fact that one of our kittens has taken to crying all night and Adam and I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in a couple weeks is probably warping my view slightly.
Yep.
I definitely can relate to that...I know I want kids at some point...but in the immediate future I can't see myself with them. Yay for you getting out of school and into the working world soon! Having spending money is fun :)
Kids
While I'm not exactly screaming for kids right now (I think I'll work on finding a girl first)... the idea of kids doesn't repulse me as badly as it once did. I often find myself thinking about how I would teach my kids a certain value or way of thinking. Ultimately though, I still see it as a quite in the distant future type of deal.
If I had kids, I probably would keep them in the Northwest as I really do love the Northwest. Just think about the awful humidity on the East coast! :) Whatever you end up doing though, I think it will work out.
come back here!
So while I do have somewhat selfish reasons for jumping on the "everyone move back to Portland!" bandwagon, there is actually something to it. Now granted my dad grew up in NY and not a nice New England suburb, but he left the east coast as soon as he could and has never once looked back. One of the reason my parents decided to adopt internationally was that Portland is one of the few cities in the WORLD where a little Chinese girl can be brought into a white Jewish family and not only does no one even bat an eye, half of her friends are from similar backgrounds! It truly is a unique little bubble we live in. I love to travel and I love going to new places, but I decided long ago that if given an option, Portland is where I'd live in the long run.
Adam is also right about the important having friends and family (i.e. grandparents) in the area. My parents moved to Portland with no family and no friends and it was really tough for my mom to stay at home with us and have absolutely no support network available to her (course part of this is that she's not a super social person anyway, but you get the idea...). Watching my folks try to raise kids and set up a life in Portland at the same time has definitely influenced my interest in staying near Portland when it is time for a family. There is something to be said for having that network of resources already in place.
And as far as thinking about kids already, i wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm all about planning ahead so I think about that sort of stuff too even though I have no intentions of actually acting on it until my 30s! No harm in working the details out in your mind before you hit time critical :)
LUV PDX
Definitely. I really, really want family and friends and a support system around me before the time comes, which was why I am considering moving near my brother - if I moved out there too, the parents would soon follow.
If I move back to Portland, y'all will have to promise to get barefoot and preggers with me, so that ohhs nooes my babeees won't be alone. So let's all think on this for a bit first before promises are made :)
Couple thoughts
If you are in Portland, while you wouldn't get to have your brother as a neighbor, you would get to have a decent number of friends as neighbors which could act as surrogate aunts and uncles. Plus you would be near the grandparents *free babysitting*, which is nice (or is it?).
The other thing to think about that may ease your mind a little is that even if you are in Portsmouth, while it is closer to your brother than the west coast, it is still an hour drive away. So it's not like your kids would see Chris et. al every day/weekend. I don't know about you, but a 1 hour drive is a decent barrier for me to overcome on a regular basis, so the odds are that you wouldn't even see Chris as often as you imagine you would. Maybe that thought will help ease your mind if you decide to stay on the west coast.
It's interesting that your biological clock is beginning to kick into a higher gear with you. Natalie keeps wondering when that will happen to her (because she really doesn't want kids right now), so now I can tell her that it may start in only a scant two years. Not that I'm ready for kids... heck, I'm still in freaking school! I'll probably start when I'm 30 or so.
That being said, if I had kids I would want to raise them in (or near) Portland if possible. The east coast is alright in the short term, but I wouldn't want to plant my roots here.