There are times...

That I LOVE my job!

I was going to leave that above statement like a decorative declaration to draw desperatly dozing dazes, but two clicks into catching up with other blogs and I'm drawn to post on mine, not punctuate.

I've been going crazy at work, thinking that the expectations were way too high, when I took a sanity check and asked. And they aren't. It's just the pressure I've been putting on myself, and the expectations that everything I do is going to come as naturally to me as hitting a softball or algebra. Foolish girl.

Once I realized that, I took a big breath of fresh air and realized that I'm pretty happy here. Jill laughed that everytime someone asks me how I like CA, all I can say is "the food is AMAZING!" (But it's true. I made osso buco w/ quinces and red potatoes Sunday, and despite the lack of a proper roasting pan (oooh there's a pretty copper one on sale...) and having to finish an hour after the eating cut-off for my fasting blood-sugar/cholesterol test the next day, it turned out decent. A bit tough, but I'm going to try baking it for a few more hours and seeing if it softens up. It'll be an interesting experiment in braising - can you fix something days after the fact? We shall see.) Aside aside, you should have seen these quinces. They smelled like heaven, and were huge. And the markets here, and the wineries, and the sun...I played soccer twice on Sunday, and it was in 70 degree weather. It's hard to argue with that. Flying up to Portland Monday morning, I realized how much I've taken weather for granted since moving to CA. Which is a nice way of saying that the torrential downpour that I stepped into made me suspect that I'm "turning Californian". Shudder. Please, don't let me lose my love of Oregon.

However, as much as I love living here right now, lately I've been really missing my parents. My dad is having a lot of knee pain, and it's worrying on a lot of levels. Both my parents have never had that many friends or outside interests, so I know they're a bit lonely now that both Chris and I are gone. And to see my dad in pain, yet still working his ass off...its upsetting.

I'm almost tempted to move back home. But I won't give up the freedom of having my own place, and I know it wouldn't change the retirement issue. And the grass is always greener - being semi-out-of-reach gives me the freedom to do my own selfish schtick, which is part of growing up and being independent, right? Heh. Chinese familial guilt at it's best. If I move back to PDX, I lose the job market here, not to mention that J's here for 2 more years. So, I guess it's up in the air still. Like EVERYTHING else. I wish I knew what to do with all these freaking variables! (Should I get a cat? I'm thinking an old, lazy one that just needs someone to love it and feed it and hug it to pieces every now and then. Though next August I'm probably going to move up to SF just to have a year in the city...)

Anyways, it was good to see the parents, even if only for two nights. I'll probably be up there next week as well - training w/ the new part of our group in OR. And that's why I'm loving the job lately - great benefits, acceptable hours and expectations, and fun people. I was looking at my two flat panels thinking "I don't know if this will last, but right now I love this!"

And I got hit on by a forty-two year old! Can't top that! I'm hot stuff! And w/ lower cholesterol than last year!