That's it.
I'm totally, totally bonkers. A nutcase. I'm so crazy, PMS was named after me.
God damn it sometimes I hate being insane.
I'll explain later, if I get the time. Gotta run to dinner and a movie with some alums.
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Do you ever just freak out and think that you're doing everything wrong and then get stuck in a mental anxiety loop? I do. All the friggin time. I tried to break up with Justin this weekend, realizing during the process that I was too unsure of whatever the hell I had decided to go through with it.
Anyways, thanks to some timely advice from my brother and friends, I calmed down enough to get some air, some space, and realized that it's all in my head. And then tried, in vain mostly, to figure out what I want.
Anyways, I figured out two things.
1) Sometimes all I need is to be told "everything is going to be ok, and you're doing good."
2) That I'm pretty damn crazy.
I still don't know what the hell I want, though.
trust me on this one...
The best advice that was ever given to me is this- don't think. Just don't think because when you do you end up in a place that you don't want to be and that probably isn't real anyway.
And yes, it does seem somewhat counter-intuitive and at first I laughed at the suggestion and wrote it off as being the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. But the idea always kept coming back to me and I finally realized that it was true. And its taken me years to get to the point where I believe it, so I understand if it sounds crazy at first. But trust me on this one, stop thinking and your life will suddenly fall into place. Its a scary thought for us control freaks because we like to function on the notion that we actually have a say in how our life goes. But think of it this way- you are still in control because instead of obsessing over decisions and life choices, you let your sub-conscious take control. And as it turns out, that's the part of your brain that is most in tune with what you really want anyway. Go figure :-)
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Darn it, I was hoping one of you would tell me the secret to emotional control. It'd be so nice to not be on this uncontrollable roller coaster that has me crying and raging and laughing at the drop of a hat. Ah well...letting go has always been my struggle.
yup
I think this kind of thing happens to most people. I guess this is why it is so important to have good friends, who can help you figure out the real source of your problems.
Good luck trying to figure out what you want. Sometimes it can be easier to start by figuring out what you don't want.